Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Write on Wednesdays - Sunshine In A Cup

Write On Wednesdays

I am linking up again with InkPaperPen to do 'Write on Wednesdays.' I am enjoying being forced to take on more adventurous writing. But... Oh dear. More fiction writing for B! I guess this is stretching my writing! This is the exercise:


Write On Wednesdays Exercise 19 - Sunshine in a cup. Write the words of Emily Dickinson: "Bring me sunshine in a cup" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.


"Bring me 'Sunshine In A Cup' please?" the little girl asked the man selling cool drinks in Central Park. The day was hot, the sun beat down on the pavement and the grass alike making the only respite the shade of the trees. The man looked at the little girl, wondering why she was alone in the middle of the day wearing a white organza dress and silk stockings. She was not the usual kind of child for this end of the park. The man was used to be harassed and bothered by young rough street kids who would try to short change him, or worse, steal money from his money belt.


"Sunshine In A Cup? I don't think I know what that is." The man bent down over his little stall to look the dainty little girl in the eye. 


"Well, it is yellow on the top, orange in the middle and red on the bottom. That is 'Sunshine In A Cup." She had a way of speaking that made the man feel stupid. He twitched remembering his posh school teachers and the way they used to insist he call them Ma'am. They were not his mother, he would not call them Ma'am.


"Oh... I see. I could try and make you a drink like that. It will cost you $2 though." He was feeling generous, but he still needed paying.


"I have money Mister. I would really love a cool drink if you have the time."  She twirled her skirt and spun around, enraptured by her own pretty dress. The man smiled and again had to wonder where the little girl's mother was.


The man shaved enough ice to make a layer in the bottom of a tall plastic cup. He squirted in some raspberry syrup and gave the cup a twirl. Then he added more ice, this time adding orange syrup. Finally, with more shaved ice, he added lemon syrup. The colours were melding together and bled into each other. He looked at what he had made, it looked so pretty! He held it up for the little girl to see.


When she saw the drink she smiled a smile that hit his heart with a thud. She handed the man $2, but he refused to take it. How can you take money from someone who gets so much joy from a cup of ice and flavoured syrup? She smiled as she took the cup and thanked the man. 


"Where is your mummy today, little lady?" he asked. 


"She should be here any minute. She said to meet her where they sell 'Sunshine in a Cup'. And that is here. You make 'Sunshine in a Cup'." She said this so matter-of-factly and so honestly, that he expected to see her mother stroll down the path at any moment.


{Timer Ends}


"Did she give you any other instructions? Like a fountain or a statue or a gate number?" The man was concerned that he was now stuck here with a little girl who had lost her mother. How do you find a lost mother in Central Park? He did not want to be involved in this.


"I think it is time you went to find your mummy little girl. She will be worried about you. She really will. Why don't you follow that path and go to the 'Help Centre' they will help you." His heart began to race.


At that moment two things happened at once. Firstly, a group of giggling school girls approached the stall and saw the 'Sunshine In A Cup' held by the little girl. They excitedly began asking if they could all have one of those pretty drinks too. The second thing to happen was that a policeman on horseback approached. 


"The good and the bad happening at once," the man thought as he hung his head.


"Lewis - what are you doing?" The policeman took in the scene before him. A known felon: a child predator, a group of school girls and a lone little girl in a ball gown with one of his drinks in her hands. It did not look good for Lewis.




Gosh, that was fun. A bit of pressure to type fast though! I don't know where that story came from though. I wonder if I should type some more so I can find the little girl's mummy!


A NOTE FROM B:  At 4 am this morning I realised I did the prompt wrong {again}.... This was meant to be a memoir and I wrote fiction! Silly B. Will not sit up late at night with a self imposed deadline.... 



17 comments:

Kristy Prowse said...

You set a lovely scene.
Introduced the characters.
Ooh - I loved the characters and then it changed and then I didn't like Lewis.
Boom - conflict
Interesting to see where it goes.

Sarah said...

I was in a little sunshiny glow right up until the end!

It's a great twist that I kind of didn't want although it makes a better story turning it from fairytale into something dark.

Very clever B :)

B said...

I misinterpreted the instructions though ladies - it was meant to be a memoir. Oh the shame! I could have been sitting in my comfort zone but I put myself out there in FICTION! Oh dear....

CraftyMummy said...

It was still good even if it wasn't quite the brief. The point is to write, right? I love the picture you painted until the twist. Interesting. I want to know what happens next.

Lacey said...

I really enjoyed this one B - nice characters, and an intriguing complication. Now I want some Sunshine in a Cup!

Melissa said...

I really enjoyed this story and want to read more :) I don't think you did misinterpret the prompt, if you did, so did I! I also wrote fiction :)

A.K. Knight said...

Visiting from WoW.

I don't think there is a right or wrong with stream of consciousness. I love that sunshine in a cup made you think of shaved ice. I would have never thought of that. I didn't see the twist with the predator either ... sneaky. You have the makings of a story.

Never sit in your comfort zone when you can be out there embarrassing the heck out of yourself; at least that is my motto.

--Feisty Cat

Rain said...

I would have stopped when the timer did -- not to follow the instructions, but because the first bit is, to me at least, so much better than the second.

It's a pretty little scene that suddenly becomes the saddest story and makes you feel pity and sorrow for the little girl when she says "She said to meet her where they sell 'Sunshine in a Cup'. And that is here. You make 'Sunshine in a Cup'.". Clearly the mother abandoned her or died and those were her last words to the girl, or at least I interpreted it that way.

What you wrote after the timer ended doesn't really fit into the rest. It feels like a different story altogether.

Absolutely loved the first bit, though. It was a pleasure to read it. =)

/ Rain

Jay said...

Surprising twist! Just as I was starting to warm to Lewis too. I guess that's the point with such unsavoury characters.

Well done for stepping outside your comfort zone!

B said...

Thanks for your feedback ladies! I actually pulled the post down thinking it was too left field but I didn't realise I had already received some comments, so felt I had to put it back up again... Sigh. This post is probably the one I am most uncomfortable with - I guess as I find writing fiction so revealing!

@ Rain, in my head the mother was frantically running around looking for her little girl at a drink stand on the other side of the park. They had been to see a show when the mother and daughter were separated at a busy junction. I had thought I would get the policeman to link them up again, but then I added the twist which was kind of dark - which is SO not me! Thanks for your feedback though - refreshing to have some criticism.... I am now heading to your post....

spring days, new growth said...

Interesting take on the prompt, you packed so much into the time (I think I must think and type slowly!!). My only quibble is the repeated use of the words Sunshine in a Cup - felt repetitive and forced.
I think you could have gone either way with this story, depending on whether you wanted the main focus to be on the child or Lewis, and whether this is the start of a larger piece.
Good one!
Kate

Kerry said...

I feared for the little girl that her mother had abandoned her as well. I also agree that the first half is better than the second, but I wasn't expecting that twist! I no longer like Lewis. Although, I would like some Sunshine in a Cup! Sounds like I need to invent a drink! ;-)

Rain said...

Wow, then Kerry and I completely misunderstood the situation. =D But I guess that's part of what makes art great: for it to have multiple possible interpretations. Good job there.

Also, great job for going out of your usual way -- in my opinion, experimenting is the best thing a writer can do.

Incidentally, thanks for your comment on my post! I appreciated it. =)

/ Rain

No one said...

LOL, this is first I've heard of it needing to be a memoir - I didn't read that bit, haha!

Wow, I had a sense of dread from the moment the girl said her mum had asked her to meet her where they sold cups of sunshine - I definitely thought she had been abandoned. Turned out she was probably in more danger than simple abandonment. Very clever twist!

InkPaperPen said...

You didnt misinterpret the prompt at all. As Feisty Cat said, there isn't a right or wrong with these exercises. Wow. I think you have the makings of a novel here! Funny that you said you were uncomfortable with it - this was quite a story. At first I was thinking that the little girl was a ghost, something from the past or other worldly. I wasn't expecting the twist but that's the point of a twist, isn't it?? Intriguing. Well done!

Lene said...

I really enjoyed this piece. I don't think you misinterpreted it at all, as Gill says there is no right or wrong. The first half was definitely more light and happy - then you added that dark twist! I'm intrigued to know what will happen next!

Visiting from WoW.

B said...

Thanks for all the comment love people!

I was walking yesterday and realised something... Everyone thought that the twist was BAD - but are we then just assuming that Lewis is going to do something sinister to the girls? Have we not just all judged him? We all liked him until the last paragraph.

Throughout the story, Lewis was wary of the girl and did not want to be stuck with her. He was also in a part of the park away from too many children. I think in my mind I had pinned Lewis as a guy trying to make good.

I would love the time to write the rest of this story. I shall just shuffle it to the 'Maybe One Day' pile.

Post a Comment

Commenting is the COOLEST thing you can ever do.... If you want to be truly cool - leave a comment!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...