I took a walk along Love Street on the weekend. I spent a day talking and thinking about love. And it wasn't all chocolatey love. One of my best friends in the whole wide world asked me to meet her in a leafy trendy suburb in the big smoke for a good old girlie chat. This friend has been through a marriage break-down. It has been and is messy, complicated, difficult and is drawn in shades of grey.
It was so good to catch up with her though. Over the past few months we haven't talked much. This is due to me saying some dumb things I shouldn't have and then feeling so awful and stupid that I just didn't know where to start piecing things together again. Thankfully, this friend is gracious and kind and didn't want to lose me - bless her soul.
So, we had a day together {with wee BabyCool along for the ride}. We had a lovely morning tea in a cute cafe where the temptation of brownies and mudcakes and french pastry nearly over took me. Then we strolled for a bit and found ourselves at a ferry terminal. We thought it was such a perfect day for a boat ride, so we caught the next ferry and found ourselves in bustling markets near the city. Then after a cob of corn and a good dose of people watching, we ferried back to the leafy trendy suburb in the afternoon sun. After a scrummy burger and a final wrap up of our day, we headed our separate ways.
It is so nice to have a friend who you don't see that often, but who is still someone who is 'inner circle'. Someone who can see beyond their own self to check that others are okay. Someone who you can spend a whole day with and not struggle for something to say. Someone who appreciates a good cut of jeans and sees this as a valid discussion point.
For reasons not worth airing here, our friends have become unstitched. Torn apart. Separated. Walking through life with friends who have separated is tough. My friend's 'husband' is Mr Cool's best friend in the whole wide world. And these two are not just good friends, but CLOSE CLOSE friends... The first people we told about babies, the friends we used to go camping with, the friends we would have weekends away with and share lots of long weekends with. Peeps. Good friends.
But, as in all aspects of life, there are things to learn from this great sadness. Mr Cool and I have had to do some really focussed work on checking the health of our marriage. We have had lots of long discussions about fidelity, communication, dreams, affirmations, and the future. It is so great to be able to say that Mr Cool and I have a great marriage, we talk ALL the time, we laugh everyday, we love being together, we are the best of friends and we are so committed to our marriage that we have cemented our future.
I loved seeing that my friend is okay though. Still hurting. Still sad. But, seeing good things in her future and being excited about these things. She is still a super mum to four children and is inspiring in the way she is dealing with their tough questions and times of uncertainty. I am proud of her. She is amazing to me.
Unfortunately, she is not the first to go through a marriage break-down, and sadly, she won't be the last. On the quiet, long drive home I listened to Regina Spektor's song, 'The Call' and these words really hit home...
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean its never
Been this way before
All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head out to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back
When its over
No need to say good bye
I guess I wanted this post to get you all thinking about your own relationships.
Are you a good friend? Do you give time to those friends who are hurting?
Is your marriage healthy? There is no time like the present to check the vital signs.
