Oh, How I Would Love To Be A Magpie Right Now

I am linking up again with Liz from A Belle, A Bean and a Chicago Dog for iPPP... 

For those of my faithful readers who live in Australia, you will no doubt know that it is Magpie season. This sends chills down the spine of every warm blooded Aussie. For those of you from the Northern Hemisphere who may think the Magpie is a cute black and white bird that lives in the forest and collects shiny things for their nests - you would be picturing a different bird. 

The Australian Magpie - biologically known as Gymorhina tibicen is a nightmare wearing a tux. In nesting season, this bird goes crazy. Nuts. Kamakazi. To protect its nest, it will swoop and scare the bazoozies out of anything that approaches a large zone surrounding its nest. 


This bird has a very sharp pointy beak which it will use to peck at your head, face or any other part of your body and long scary talons which it uses to puncture and scratch flesh. It lets out a chilling cry as it is about to swoop. *Shudder.* What makes this bird even scarier is that it is random. A certain Magpie will simply sit and sharpen its deathly beak while Person A walks past, but when Person B meanders into the zone of defence, the bird launches its attack. It is scary stuff! Check out what this Magpie does to this postman.... 

This nesting season lasts only a few weeks. Which I know isn't long in the grand scheme of life, but it is still unnerving to go walking in September/October and wonder if and when an air attack is going to happen. Lately, the news has been filled with stories of people having been attacked badly by Magpies. One poor little boy has lost sight in one eye due to an attack, a friend's colleague was attacked on the face walking to work. These things prey on my mind when I venture out too. 


At this time of year, people too go a little loopy. Cyclists add zip-ties to their helmets so that Magpies can connect with their helmets {when Mr Cool rode road bikes, a friend of his was taken off his bike my a Magpie - he broke his collar bone in the fall). People also walk around carrying big sticks to ward of any attacks. As a child, we used to run through the park with ice-cream buckets on our heads with eyes painted on the back of them.


Now, for the rest of the year, this bird is known as a song bird. Indeed, the Magpie's song is one thing I missed when I lived abroad and one thing that made me really realise that I was again on home soil when I returned {that and being swooped by a party of magpies while hanging out washing}. Its pretty trill is the quintessential Australian sound. Just listen to this.... isn't beautiful?

Oh, how I wish I had a good excuse to go stir crazy for a while. Just a few weeks. I would love to go out and peck some heads and dish out some holy fear. I am in a state of frustration that people these days are being so mean and selfish and petty and manipulative and unprofessional and immoral and blind to reality etc etc. Oh. my. days. 


Being a grown up really is highly over-rated. Having a few weeks a year where I could just vent would be great. To let loose all those pent up frustrations would be fabulous! I would hunt down those rude check-out chicks, that man who cut me off at the roundabout, the person who is being a right cow to many people and the girl who said something mean to my sister. I would find them, wait until they were out in the open, and when they were least expecting it, swoop down with a blood curdling scream and give them a good old fashioned peck on the head and a scratch for good measure. 


When I had finished my rampage and dealt out my vengeance on those threatening my 'zone', I would go back to being the lovely song bird that I usually am.


Please note: I am the only person who would be given these 'Magpie Rights' it is my idea after all. Because if everyone was to get these rights, then the world would be even more crazy. I, at least, would be responsible with these powers, others would not. I also have a holy fear of being pecked so wouldn't want to be in a position to get pecked... I have no idea who would want to peck me on the back of my head and am not keen to find out.

Do you have a list of people who require a good old fashioned peck on the head?


PS - Thanks to Mr Cool who was able to snap my iPhone photos while I watched from the window. What would the neighbours have thought of me taking photos of Magpies in my Oscar the Grouch pyjamas!